biten to pieces

loads of bites on my back :( maybe alice, ur little spider friend is now taking up residence at my house?
i had a nice weekend living at sams house, i think i am pretty happy with our relationship :)
don't really know what to write, can't think
currently in my room waiting for lauren to come over, and then we're off to maximo park with spam and grant, not really a big fan, but should be quite good
anyway realllllyyyyyyyyy cba with this right now, i'll post something soon, bye xx

i want some crusha!

a glass of crusha, its tough enough to make milkshake

who else misses that advert? lol it was so good with the little dancing cats, alice does the best impression lol

so good, never bought the product tho

what is love?

do i believe in it?

is it at first sight?

is there an age barrier?

is it an illusion?

can you fall inlove more than once?

are some people actually in love? or do they just think they are?

who defines love? you? a specialist?

how do you know if you are inlove?

how long does it take for people to fall inlove?

if someone says they love someone else, should the someone else say it back even if they don't think they are?

"is it just natures way of getting us to fuck?"

these are all questions that i want answered but of course no one can answer them

some people say you just know, but how can u just know? what if u are wrong? and what if you are but don't realise it because it doesn't meet your expectations?

yes u can probably tell i have been doing my revision for enduring love, and am currently watching the film.

it has made me question my relationship with sam, i know he will probably read this but i don't care because i plucked up the courage to talk to him about it before i posted this entry. besides he knows that this is my little space of internet where i like to express my thoughts and feelings, sounds really gay but it is.

lauren was talking about how her and fred are inlove, but how she isn't planning to stay with him when she goes to uni, and that she will breakup with him because she has to when it comes to it longterm relationships are too hard and she needs time to find her feet and find out who she really is without relying on anyone, but she said if she met him 10 years down the line she'd be happy to settle down with him and have kids etc

sam is going to uni in septemeber, so does this mean our relationship is doomed? pretty much, i can't expect him to try and have a long term relationship through uni. i don't want to end it tho, i enjoy spending time with him and he makes me happy.

tbh i am probably getting ahead of myself just assuming we're going to last that long anyway. but if we do, and we are going to break up it makes me ask the question whats the point?

well i know what the point is, i really like him and enjoy spending time with him so it is worth it, but then that leaves the question does this mean our relationship can only go so far.. like exclusive friends with benefits? coz what happens if i do fall inlove with him? it will be so hard to break up with him, and what if i fall inlove with him, but he doesn't fall inlove with me?

also sometimes i find it hard to believe he's genuine, because he says that he didn't like his last girlfriend, but he stayed with her for i think he said 8 months which is quite a long time, so surely he must have at least pretended to like her? i don't know, i am just so confused, so worried, feel vulnerable and like i am being compared and that i'm not good enough. its probably all in my head, and my emotions are fucked right now, all i need is a cuddle and some reassurance :(

that was how i felt yesterday before i decided that i would talk to him about it before i posted it on my blog, tbh i feel that its unfair when i don't talk to him about it with him and just leave it for him to read and then him bring it up with me. but i did yesterday and he reassured me and we agreed that we would just see how things go, which i am happy to do, i don't want to end it because i really do like him, anyway i think that that is probably enough about sam, i just needed an outlet for all these jumbled up thoughts.

i can't wait for my exams to be over only 2 weeks now i think, when they are over i am going to pursue my romantic desire to paint in the sunlight listening to flete foxes on a sunday afternoon. i also want to get amazingly good at piano, and take up drums again, go to the library and read lots and lots, and paint and redecorate my room. these are things i most want to do over the summer.

i think thats it for today, i should get back to revision, lol loving outkast atm, especially the whole world :)

bye xx

wolverine

hmmm i have had a rather good weekend i think
saturday i jammed at home, probably should've done some revision but i didn't, then i went to sams house and had a night in watching eurovision, sounds gay but it was nice, and i hadn't seen him in a week, so it was really lovely to finally see him :)
then today it was the usual long trek home, only today it was even longer as i went straight to a and k's for an englsh revision session with lots and lauren too, i had a really lovely day actually feel like i have learnt something, had a good catch up, a make over, a feast and a some more good times :)
anyway i'm gonna leave it here coz i am shattered, i'll post pictures later :)
xx

happy hangover?

morning, yep i am hungover again, but when arn't you on a saturday morning?
went to a little gathering last night quite nice, people we nice, house was nice, it was a nice evening :)
the 'is there something worth living for?' blog entry has caused abit of a problem i think
i seemed to have offended a few of my friends, i didn't mean to
and i feel abit upset seeing as it wasn't intended it was just an observation, and i got told my blog is for slagging off my friends :(
its not at all, i just write how i feel, and the other day i was just suprised about the way some of my friends acted towards that lookbook thing

anyway going to see sam to day, i think i am quite an embarrasment when i am drunk :S
oh well
nothing i can do about it now
speak to ya later blog :)
bye xx

manipulating paint

finally i have finished!

quite proud of myself, three a2 paintings done in 5 days! :)

sketch book was shit but shhhh

ok here they are, this is quite a big thing for me to put on here, but i have had quite alot of good feedback and my boyfriend wants to see them, so i thought i would rather have them on here

than facebook

ahh

ok

well i'm still not sure if i like them,

maybe i am being over critical? i dunno, just think they could b better

well here goes nothing....

ok the picture quality ain't that great, but there u go :)

the set theme was juxtaposition, and my personal theme was the human figure, so i used weight and juxtaposed anorexia with obesity

the paintings arn't quite finished, i need to do a little bit more to them

anyway bye x

is there something worth living for?

cigarrettes and alcohol lol

since when did my friends become so obsessed with the way they look? and so judgemental?
don't get me wrong i care about the way i look, i like to look good, but they are constantly are talking about how to be cool, or what people are wearing, if ur trying to look like someone else then surely you're not cool? hmm maybe i have just got it wrong
but that lookbook sounds like such a waste, and for pretentious twats
tbh i don't care
and i got asked why i wasn't saying anything
because it is boring
certain people got on my nerves today
i don't mind saying this, because it is human nature, i'm aloud to get annoyed with people, doesn't mean i like them any less
tbh i think this frustration with my friends comes from my own judging self, i am very judgemental sometimes, its something i'd like to change, you shouldn't judge people on the way they look, i even done it to my sister in the park the other day (i didn't know it was her) but to be honest i am pretty sure it was more jealousy

anyway i am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
two paintings down one to go :)
(i will post pictures tomorrow, when i get on the heap of junk out with all the softwear on it)
but my sketch book is very very empty/shit

i am in a weird mood
sometimes i just like to b pissed off with people for the sake of it, i know its bad and unfair on people but i can't help it

hahaha
art was so jokes today, i am so entertaining haha kerri said she could watch me all day
and simone took the piss out of me for being deaf
but i don't care she is simone the pumba ;).... see what i did there haha

anyway i can't wait for the weekend, even if it will be mostly filled up with revision, and abit of sam inbetween lol
bye x

:'(

so emotionally drained right now,
not as happy or as optimistic as i was yesterday
the stress is getting to me
i am so moody and angry right now
altho i just finished one final piece, one down two to go
little things are making me cry like sams chat and alice copying my 'booby bear' title of my last blog entry
i also hate it when people use over complicated language that doesn't make sense to seem clever or to try and confuse u
yes u are right i am not the brightest person ever, but i am quite clever, but recently i feel like people think i am stupid, tbh i dnt really care
pissed off at my parents, basically crushed my dreams
i look so ugly when i cry
my nose is ridiculously itchy that i am prepared to chop it off
i look so ugly today anyway with my pig eyes, and ever growing fatter self
fuck it
i cba with this shit any more
bye x

BOOBY BEAR

i am getting faaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
i'm a fatty :(
i need to stop eating so much fast food, actually food in general

moving on, its my sister birthday today, 15! jheezzzzz where did all that time go? i know i'm only two years older, but its so weird to think that my little sister is 15! wow
i've had quite a nice day today. dispite the stress of having to get my head around doing three quality a2 painting and a whole sketch book by friday! are u having a laugh!?
i have pretty much come to terms with the fact that i'll be kissing goodbye to my dreams on results day, or retaking next year :(
i am such a waste
yet i don't seem to be too bothered?
if my parents knew, they'd b so disappointed, which is the worst thing
also i have done fuck all revision and i have two exams next week :S
oh how will i manage this one

jheezzzz this fatness is a joke, alll that nandos has made me currently obese!
! lots of emphasis today lol

had fun wasting time in english today making farmyard animals with alice out of orange peel, i will post pictures later :)
not a very wise decision seeing as i have an english exam on wednesday
ah well

went to nandos and ate a horse, i hope elizabeths had a good birthday
i feel bad sometimes coz i feel sometimes we pick on her too much
i love my sisters so much, altho i don't tell them, not our style, i just hope they know
wow i am getting so mushy, i think its sam whose done it to me
i'm not quite the sour bitch with the heart of ice i once was lol

anyway i should bloody finish my media, and do this so over due art evaluation.
bye bye xxx

shake shake, shake shake ashake it!

wow has this weekend been busy!
mostly involved sam :) had such a good time
ok this is how my weekend went from friday to today; sunday
came home from school
sam came over
went to london bridge to meet up with george and lorna
on the way met jake who knows george and that, well nice guy
went to angel to a pub where sam's friend scott was doing a dj set
tristan came to meet us
went to this pub
got rather drunk (courtesy of our generous friends)
bunned quite abit (courtesy of me and sam)
then we all went back to scotts house in cheam (trek!)
then tristans gf and her mates came for a while
they all went
me and sam had a rough nights kip on a tiny sofa
woke up crippled
then me, sam, george and lorna all left scotts went to get our hangover breakfast at mcdonalds :) all went back to morden
me and sam then went back to mine
had a nap, and wash
then to brommers to get my sisters birthday present
on our way to downe and got a phonecall telling us that my mates were about to come back from downe
so me and sam decided to go back to mine
had an hours sleep
went to sam g's
bought a dirty bottle of vodkat ;)
left sams g's
got on a bus
quick pitt stop at a scabby pub
got on another bus back to morden
got off at richards house
had a little ganj with all sams friends
me sam and fraze left for the bus
went back to sams
woke up
left sams
loooooonnnnggggg trek home
stopped off at maccy d's (yes i am becoming a fast food junkie/obese)
and now i am at home having a jam, and doing a spot of work
yes i think it is fair to say this has been a good weekend
except for the fact i am now down to a fiver for the rest of the month :S
one last thing
me and sam are the poverty stricken couple who like benches, A LOT.



wow are we hot

ta ta blog x

night of the lotus eaters

sapped & stupid

i lie upon the stones and swoons

the darling little dandelions have done their thing

& changed from suns into moons

the dragons roam the shopping malls

i hear theyre gonna eat our guts

if i had the strength i might pick up my sword

& make some attempt to resist

get ready to shield yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grab yr sap & yr heaters

get ready to shield yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on the night of the lotus eaters

mmmmmmm don't you love my baby

mmmmmmm & don't you love my baby anymore

they gilded my scales/ they fish-bowled me

& they toured me round the old aquariums

they come in their hordes to tap at the glass

the philistines and barbarians
i like
floating

here (its nice)

theyve hung seaweed round my hips

& i do the

<>

for the hungry ones

& the lames all throw me tips

get ready to shield yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grab yr sap & yr heaters

get ready to shield yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on the night of the lotus eaters

mmmmmmm don't you love my baby

mmmmmmm & don't you love my baby anymore

get ready to shield yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from our catastrophic leaders

get ready to shield yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grab yr sap & yr heaters

on the night of the lotus eaters

now hit the streets!!!!!!!

now

HIT

the

streets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want to be a lotus eater like the one from tennyson's poem, just for a week, care free

also i have realised being with sam makes me vulnerable and slightly more insecure

i have decided on a theme for my birthday party; COWBOYS AND INDIANS! its gonna be wild!... royalties to alice :)

looking forward to this weekend, i hope its good, some weed would be good, i'll see what i can do

i hate greendays new song, it sounds like the beginning of that stoneroses song (can't remember the name of it now, but u'll know the one i mean when u hear it) and its always so disappointing coz i get so excited that the radio is playing something decent, then u get that pile of shit

so tired, been working until 12.30 pm

need to get out of the this rut

good day x

fine and dandy

"i'm just fresh out of the packet, and your just a stale old faggot"

i am in a much better mood today

can't really b bothered to write much, and i really should do my work

so i'll leave u with a few of my favourite, fairly recent photos :)

bye x

you suck

i mean i suck
so fed up right now
i feel disgusting
hard done by
generally feeling sorry for myself
i am so selfish and taking it out on others?
why do i always make everything about myself?
i need to get a fucking grip, otherwise i will lose everyone i care about, because i cannot expect people to put up with me being a moody bitch all the time.
i am crying right now, but i feel relieved as i havn't cryed in so long, its a joke... however i think it could be over.. wow that was a good 2 tears there, i can't even cry properly :'(
i could really do with a cigarrette right now
bye

mmmmmm

fish on the bbq... yum
we're having a bbq today should be good, shame about the dismal weather tho, gosh just the hodson's luck
haha, u know whats well lame tho? me haha, only because yesterday i was thinking what the weather would be like for the bbq and was think what we'd say if it was sunny and what we'd say if it was like this, and both times i thought we'd just say it was our luck. god that makes me sounds a little retarded, but to be honest i think i am worrying what to write, i think i may have lost the knack of blogging.
had a good weekend, friday had a good old catch up with molly at the pub... jacket and filling for life :) lol, oh and met the dude from the bill, i dunno who he was but mog seemed to know.
and on saturday i dog sat with sam, tbh i'm not really a dog fan, but the dogs seemed to like me so it was alright. they were rather large tho, and abit scary but kinda cute. so yeah that was quite nice, just jamming with sam all night
and then sunday i stayed at sams for a while, then came home and done a spot of work, bit annoyed i couldn't go out but oh well, at least i will have some money for next weekend
anyway i need to get washed now, might blog abit later, something a little more personal, and a little less general :)
byeeeeee xx